Pantoum about living with depression.

A monster lives in this body
so I live in a sea of couch cushions and guilt
wondering if it'd really be so bad to go out like Hemingway.
Michael looks at me with sad eyes.

I live in a sea of couch cushions and guilt
but I decide today is the day I get up.
Michael looks at me with hopeful eyes
so I hold onto my mask.

I decide today is the day I get up.
I go through the motions.
I hold onto my mask,
and I am tranquility recollected in anxiety.

I go through the motions.
My mama says I get it honestly
But I am anxiety recollected in tranquility
So I search for the good inside myself.

Mama says I get it honestly
but I don't know what that means to her
So I continue the search for the good inside myself
The paper says partial remission


but I don't know what that means
maybe that I'm too scared to go out like Hemingway
I want the paper to say full remission
but a monster still lives in this body.